How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
