how can u be prego again
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
