so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
