Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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