Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
