there's paper in my vomit.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
