I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
