I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
