on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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