I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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