how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
