Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
