I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
