I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
