You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
