in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
