I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
