shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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