She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
