We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
