the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
