i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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