Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
