Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
