So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
bring money and cleavage
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
