I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
