He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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