All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My feet surprised me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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