i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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