we have pet lesbian snakes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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