My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
