Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
