you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
