I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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