guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think i have herpe
just one?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
