as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
false alarm, still single
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