no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
