I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
