What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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