what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
