Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
