my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
