why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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