I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
