she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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