I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
