i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
