hotel room ftw
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
