I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
