wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
