so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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